Really felt very sorry for all the people whom I've disappointed over and over again. I know every single one of you meant well. Hopefully I make all the disappointment worthwhile this time. Thanks everyone who had been there.
3:47 AM



K so what now. I'm currently at a lost stage. Lost in a mixture of confusing emotions. I don't know what I'm feeling now. I'm happy(?), relieved(partly) and a little of melancholy(definitely). I am not struggling hard now I guess. I just need a bit of discipline, self-esteem, self-pity, selfish, less understanding, more of unreasonable and I need more ego.

I'm hoping that this break-up will be so bad that nothing would recover. Obviously there's no point in communicating because of a gazillion reason that we just cant seem to talk properly. I don't know what to say but I hope that I won't find another reason or rather excuse to patch again. Just end it like the way I predicted.

I don't request for fine dinings, pradas nor diamonds. All I want is some basic things that a normal bf would do for me. Like fetching me from work, some TLCs, some time at somewhere together just both of us, some heart-to-heart talk, some small uncostly surprises. Not once in a blue moon but at least like once a month, and give me some basic respect.

I'm starting to feel the ache now. But soon it'll go away.

Afterall, what I had to do was to apply the same old theory that I've learned since 3 years old,
I fall and I'll stand up by myself, look at the scars, remember the pain and remind myself not to fall again.

Except that this will be much harder than I was a kid.
8:38 AM



I'm influenced by MX now.
Watched S factor whole night and I've been googling about Kaykay and other contestants. I think KK is pretty hot but am kinda disappointed with her behaviour. Like I thought she's not the bitchy type but she's appearing not to. After watching this show you will come to realise that being witty and street wise or rather scheming is what it takes to win anything. Most guys don't like down to earth or natural girls, they just like hot, seductive and smart(in a good or bad way) girls.

Anyway, came across something really hilarious. You've got to watch it.

Dawn yang



Xia Xue impersonating Dawn Yang



Upon all these video i think i came across one that has a comment that said she lied about her heritage. It's kind of puzzling to me that she looks very different from her parents and sister and i thought that she was an adopted child or something. Then me and MX googled on celebrities who did plastic surgery. I guess there might be at least a 70% chance that she went for plastic surgery. Actually its no biggie if you did or not, being pretty is every girl's dream and if you have that kind of money to afford, cool. But from google images, the changes she did was kind of huge. Like a 100% change that she even have to hide her heritage? Not going to give my comments further.

Life is kind of realistics. If your transformation is successful, you're beautiful, people speak for you(especially men). If you ended up like

Jocelyn Wildenstein


who wanted to look like a lioness because she thinks that it's the only way to keep her husband or maybe to attract his attention? That is just pure sad. She ended up looking worse and despite her efforts, her husband was caught sleeping with a russian model which sparked into a divorce.

Guys = Guilt
9:07 AM



Yay, mc for 2 days thanks to swine flu. I love pigs.

P.s. I don't have swine flu. It's just normal cough and flu.

Wanted to upload chio pictures of MX but too bad, couldnt find the usb cable she gave me. Bugger. Try to upload again on Fri.
I'm getting lazier and lazier. Blame it on the weather. The heat plus flu medicine are making feel damn lethargic. Or maybe I should just admit that I'm pure lazy. Anyway, I'm kinda lazy to blog nowadays even if there are some things for me to blog about. I'm not going to be a full time blogger or so. Haha. Summer is trying to be XiaXue no.2.
Alright. Will be Funshion-ing soon.
Nights.
8:05 AM

The toilet terrorist.

Poor S was having diarrhoea yesterday :(

Poor me, always waiting for her.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Still got loads of pics to upload but there's no software here for me to edit the photos. Will upload it when i get home. And I'm still considering to upload a sound clip, of someone. HAHA.

4:17 PM



Now i began to know the basic skills to survive a relationship. After being counselled by a very experienced friend, i finally woke up.

Am so disgusted by how i was treated. All the tactics guys can use to woo a girl, make a guy fall in love with her, made her so deeply in love with her, and tame her like a dog.
Didnt want to deny that i was a victim myself.

It's rather fascinating to me, how a 20 year old boy is able to do that, though i shouldnt be surprised. How could a born cheater who is capable of cheating $700 of his primary school classmate in exchange of dinosaur stickers and tonnes of pokemon stickers, cheat those who are kind to him of their money and lie to his parents even when he know that he let them down, even when things went quite bad. Genius swindler aint it? Friends have been telling me that I'm not stupid, i'm just blinded, i'm just too soft-hearted and it's not my fault but i know all these words were just consoling words. I'm a fucking fucking retard dumbass, insanely stupid moron and a naive bitch.

After all I've heard from my friends, a gazillion things ran through my head. His ex-girlfriend, all the things he said, what he did before/after yada yada.. My guess + intuition was mostly correct. Which dumbass would believe that he's clearly forgotten his ex by keeping her pictures with him, by allowing her o lvl certs to sit underneathe our photos and keeping that tee which he thinks its fucking hidious and would never want to wear it. When being confronted, he just have to deny, say he didnt know, pretend that he doesnt have feelings for her, telling me that that girl is just nothing, i'm the one he loves, that tshirt means nothing when you know that he's been wearing it even with me, after i told him i didnt like it, he hides the shirt in another side of the wardrobe which he seldom/rarely use, then the shirt was placed somewhere else which has only two possibilities.

1) his mother washed it because he's been wearing it 2) he's been looking at it for godsake

Times when i suspected that something was amiss. He was out somewhere and not picking calls yada. I was brainwashed, was made to believe that nothing went wrong. The time when he quarrelled with me over me wanting to tag along with him to play dota at Parklane because i didnt believe. and i still believe that i'm right. I might be dumb enough to get brainwashed by him, but i'm not dumb all times. I've seen too much of him.

What i couldn't understand is why, why he wants to waste 1 years time just to take revenge, to make me suffer. It could have been because of what happened 3 years ago. With such an ego for a casanova, i guess that he just want to make sure that he gets everything he wants. Everything must go his way. Or that he's sick of me, he's just waiting for a better/prettier girl since he has nothing left now, he has to be stuck with me.

This kind of moron will never learn or know the art of appreciation, will always take things for granted, will always believe that he's the king of the world. Even his parents has to obey him. I don't know. I guess he's beyond hope.

I finally understood what K is trying to tell me and understood why she wants me to do things this way. this is an unforgiven mistake i will never want to repeat again.
7:39 PM




7:39 PM